ninme

Simon Heffner in the Telegraph:

Burning at the stake might do the trick

As you know, I try not to intrude in the private business of the Church of England, but events in America this week leave me little option.

Is it any wonder that other faiths with somewhat more solid fundamental beliefs, whether Islam, Judaism or even, within Christianity, the Roman Catholic Church, regard the C of E as a laughing stock?

Everything, it seems, is up for grabs. The Bible is no longer Holy Writ, but a basis for negotiation. Jesus could well have been a woman, as God has (in the eyes of some of these nutters) long been.

The Ten Commandments can be reduced to four, five or six, according to taste. Purely for reasons of philosophical interest, I keenly await all pronouncements by the Archbishop of Canterbury about what he intends to do now that a large chunk of the Anglican Communion thinks he is an optional extra.

The problem is, of course, that the law was not laid down years, or even decades, ago.

It is too late now. If I were he, I’d schedule a heresy trial or two, just to create a distraction for a while.

Update:

Oh Lord. India Knight in The Sunday Times:

You know how sometimes you read something in the paper and it’s just so surreal that you wonder if you’re having a funny turn, or an especially peculiar dream? It happened to me on Friday morning. But no: the Orange Order in Northern Ireland really does want to turn its annual parades into carnivals.

The grand secretary of the order, Drew Nelson, sees the marching season as a celebration of one of the UK’s “ethnic minorities” — Northern Irish Protestants — and envisages the new-look parades as rivalling the Notting Hill carnival for fun, colour (what, even green?) and gaiety.

“I would like to see the 12th of July (which commemorates William III’s victory at the battle of the Boyne) become a tourist attraction,” Nelson said.

Wow. I know Catholics on the west coast of Scotland (and elsewhere) who don’t even like venturing outside on July 12 — will they be invited too? Will sectarian violence and messages of hate be part of the fun? And will the carnival come to Portadown? I bet they can’t wait.

I hate to sound sour, I can’t really help it, what with being of a popish disposition myself, so I’ll just quote a spokesperson for the Social Democratic and Labour party: “We would like to see a carnival atmosphere too, but it’s difficult when one community has victims from past paramilitary attacks.” I think he has a tiny little point, don’t you?

Even the Orange Parade!