Absolutely the Funniest Item of the Day CCXXI
(I saw this last night and just could not wait until today to post it.)
“How can you tell who someone’s god is?” asks Orson Scott Card. “You look to see whose name they invoke as the cause of all things, good or bad. By that standard, the god of the devout Left is Global Warming.” Here’s Orson’s Psalm of Al:
Great storms ravage our cities, and the wise man saith: Global Warming hath done this.
Drought keepeth all storms at bay, and the wise man saith: This also hath Global Warming done.
Global Warming maketh the oceans rise; it maketh deep snow to fall;
Flood and fire, feast and famine, typhoon and tornado, hail and lightning, all things good and bad that come from sky or sea, Global Warming hath made them all.
And when our homes are beneath the waves, we shall know that Global Warming in its wrath hath seen our sins.
For our vehicles that glut themselves on oil, for the trees we cut and land we clear,
For the cooling and heating of our houses, for the plowing and harvesting of our fields, we are punished.
Whenever we burn carbon and release it into the air, we shall know that Global Warming seeth it, and is wroth.
O man! Thou hast flouted the great god of the sky, and by three degrees of temperature we shall be burned,
For Global Warming is a jealous god, and small and annoying is man.
9’s my favourite.
August 31st, 2006 at 1:36 am
Bloody hell that’s good. BBC News this morning was exclusively about the various ways in which we have annoyed the Great Global Warming god.
The only problem with this cult is that they don’t have any hymns one can sing. I can only think of the Beach Boys’ “Don’t Go Near the Water” and the eminent Canadienne Joni Mitchell’s “Yellow Taxi”. Both are ancient, dating back the time time when I’d listen to pop music now and again. There must be more recent stuff.
Of course, when those songs were current, the world was going to be cooling because we were burning down all the forests etc etc etc….
August 31st, 2006 at 3:45 pm
Wasn’t there illustrations of the Thames frozen over and such? - the God of Global Cooling was stalking the land, like the White Witch in Narnia. (Of course a lot of the greenies are trying to flush this episode down the memory hole).
I have a feeling it is just different faces of the same god. Probably Ra, the Egyptian sun god.
August 31st, 2006 at 5:09 pm
I’m just waiting to see if we’ll repopulate Skara Brae.
September 1st, 2006 at 1:44 am
Absolutely! I was looking forward to the ice fairs that were to be held on the frozen Thames. Now it looks like Ra isn’t going to let us have them. Until he changes his mind of course.
September 1st, 2006 at 4:50 am
Skara Brae looks really rather snug. Somewhat out of the way, though. Prefer the Hotel Malvinas (Prop: Mr Half Empty) as a long term bolt-hole. Isn’t the next Ice Age due along any time now? If I was a climate scientist I’d take good care to speak of “climate change” rather than “global warming”. And who knows, if Ahmadinnerjacket gets his way, we might see a revival of that eighties favourite, “nuclear winter”. Remember that one, anyone?
September 1st, 2006 at 5:34 am
Yeah! Nuclear Winter! The glaciers were gonna come back and reclaim England and it was supposed to happen quickly.
September 1st, 2006 at 5:35 am
Actually, Card is only partly right. The Global Warming God is all-good and not the cause of evil. . .it simply suffers Bush to exist.
September 1st, 2006 at 9:37 am
I like snug.
R’s comment is reminding me of something from mythology… Norse, maybe… Damn… Huh.
September 2nd, 2006 at 2:43 pm
Snug is good. Its guns spelled differently.
Guns radar snug.
Elba Baby!
September 2nd, 2006 at 4:47 pm
Hee
Palindromes have never been my strong suit. No, not palindromes, anagrams. See?
September 3rd, 2006 at 6:57 am
How about acrostics? http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2087-2340567,00.html
Not like anagrams and yet you’re a “Countdown” fan? Hmmmm.
September 3rd, 2006 at 11:08 am
Well that’s just it, see. I don’t waste any time trying to compete. I just sit their slack-jawed in awe.
Now that I know what an acrostic is, I can say did you ever hear of the acrostic joke of James May’s?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_May
September 4th, 2006 at 1:45 am
I once put an acrostic into our promotional mag for an ad agency I worked for that was deeply uncomplimentary about my managing director, and no-one got it. Richard Whiteley’s girlfriend’s just publishing a book about the chap. I’m with you on anagrams, frankly.