The first time I had UHT milk was in France, when I was fourteen, on my first day, and it had somehow managed to acquire the taste of onions. I thought that was how it naturally tasted so I didn’t drink milk for a month, me, who drinks tons of milk. Then my last couple of days I went and stayed at a farm (owned by the parents of some friends of ours) and they asked if I wanted any milk and I asked warily if it was the whatsit and they said no, looking at me like I was an idiot, that it came from the cow out back, and it was the best thing in the world.

But as a rule, I think parents shouldn’t expose their children to bacterial infections made obsolete by science more than a century ago.

Are ya serious?

Meanwhile, Europeans (who the woman probably looks up to as a model for her own lifestyle, rather than Walmart Americanism) have been drinking that extra-pasteurized stuff you can leave under your sink for a couple months till you get around to opening it for years. But can we get that stuff? No. There’s science at work there. It’ll probably make our children sick. Bah.