ninme

(this topic has been on my mind lately)

The Times - Sing along: ‘Stand by your depressed man’, by Natalie Haynes

The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, whose every pronouncement I wait upon, poised like a mountain cat, has this week released statistics suggesting that men aged between 35 and 44 are the most miserable people in society, beating the perennial grumps, teenagers, into a big, fat cocked hat.

It takes men until they are 55-64 to recover the levels of happiness that they boasted as teenagers (this time without the adrenalin rush of trying not to get shot, stabbed or a paltry B at A Level). This revelation has left me feeling rather sad, although women apparently become happier once they hit 34, so I might just be enjoying the last couple of years of my decade of uninterrupted sulk.

What makes men in their late thirties so dissatisfied?…

I wonder if it’s to do with a relentlessly negative portrayal on British television. Most adverts, soap operas and sitcoms show men in their late thirties to be spineless, worthless saps. They’re always too stupid to see what’s going on around them, and they’re never good enough for their sassy, smart girlfriends and wives. The nadir of this trend is that Brita commercial where a rational man in possession of a water filter is seemingly too retarded to make tea that isn’t covered in a thick scum, as though a major oil spill has occurred somewhere near his cup and a tragic, grubby seabird is about to expire on his saucer. No wonder they’re flocking to watch Heroes, in which men get to stop time, fly and save a cheerleader from certain death. …

I rang round my male friends (aged 35-44) to find out just how depressed they really were. They were mostly too miserable to answer, obviously, but the ones who could be lured from painting their rooms black wanted to send out a positive message to their brothers. They said there were plenty of things that get better when you get older, so chin up, boys. Here are the highlights: 1. You now buy good wine and you never have to drink cider again. You have also realised that the drinking unit of whisky is a large glass, not a large bottle. This is lucky because your hangovers take longer to go away; 2. You find more women attractive. Sure, you still fancy Jessica Alba and Scarlett Johansson, but you also fancy Charlotte Rampling, Catherine Deneuve, and sometimes Lorraine Kelly, when she’s being minxy; 3. You look good in a suit. Young men think they do, but they usually look either as if they are on their way to court, or about to dance on an aunt’s shoes at a wedding. You, on the other hand, look hot; 4. You understand your hair. You no longer feel pressured to wear a ridiculous cockatiel-style do, so you have short hair, which may be turning grey. This is no bad thing. Remember when George Clooney became a sex symbol? Not with a mullet in Murder, She Wrote, that’s for sure.

Heehee.